He and I were like two forces of nature in my teenage years, when I thought I knew it all and I was convinced he knew nothing.
And to aggravate the situation, It was only him, my brother and I during those years. My mom and sister were out of the picture and I felt lonely in my role as a woman.
If he told me black, I did white... I always felt he was invading my space and wished he would go away in one of his long work trips... I celebrated when he departed and was upset when he came back. Everything he said, did and thought got to my nerves and made me roll my eyes... I was such a stupid little girl!
The years have passed and I am not a teenager anymore... I found the man of my life, I grew up and went away from home.
The circumstances have changed for my whole family and the countries, places, homes and moments have flipped like a pancake in a pan for us. My dad realized he missed his family and decided to go after it, and the thing was that the kids were not kids anymore, one of his "kids"already had kids of her own, and we all had started families of our own... and he ended up homeless... without a place of his own, he is now in the middle of spaces, looking for a way to make the equation work, and neither him nor us know how to do it.
It is strange how life works... when I was a girl I always missed seeing him in my ballet recitals, I always wished he would light candles with me in Candle Day, when I waited until 10pm, looking through the window and he only showed up until hours later when I was already asleep and the candles had long been melted.
I resented him for a long time, I was angry and upset and couldn't find a place of my heart of forgiveness... until I finally did.
I was shocked when I realized all the things my man forgave to his parents. All the aggravations they did to him when he was a little kid were outrageous, and he does not keep an ounce of resentment in his heart. He loves them for what they are, and forgives everything, knowing deep in his soul they did as much as they could with what they had.
And there I was, a spoiled woman still acting like a little brag, condemning her dad for his absence, only criticizing him and feeling sorry for herself... My hubby taught me an important lesson, one that changed the essence of my heart and the way I love.
I know now, how were my dad's early years and how strict and tough his parents were with him. He never received a hug or an "I love you" from them.... they never gave him any expression of love... they raised him in the only hard way they had known, and that's how my dad raised us, in the only way he had once learned, he was never physically hard on us, but he didn't know how to be loving with us either.
To see him now with his grandchildren has been beautiful. At the beginning he did not know how to approach them or how to interact with them. But the kids know better and loved him for who he is.
He is different, he loves differently and now he lives lo love them, to give things to them, to see them, to take pictures of them and to share them with us.
I saw him cry when he read the Christmas Card they had done and signed for him with Crayola, and I have seen his heart melt when he holds them in his arms.
Life has an intricate way to teach us lessons. And as a daughter I have a lot to learn from a 4 and 5 year old, who seriously know how to love without expectations, without remorse, and specially without judgment.
He has a lot to teach, he has a smart and practical way to see the world, but he also has an artistic side, he loves to take pictures of architecture and nature. My mom has told me he loved taking pictures when he was younger, and now decades after, he has came back to his old hobby.I personally believe he has a lot of talent, but beyond that I see him through the eyes of love every time he is taking one of his thousands of pictures, because he is showing it to me with pride, teaching me about angles and lighting. I listen intently because I know he is thrilled to teach me something he loves and I feel lucky now that he wants to spend his time with me.
Because I am really lucky I still have him in this world, I am lucky he is healthy and vigorous, I am lucky he wants to learn about me and who I am and I am lucky he tells me he loves me every single time I see him or talk with him.
I am lucky I can hug him back and tell him how much I love him and how happy and grateful I am to have him in my life.
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| This picture was taken by my dad in a rainy day |
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| This picture was taken by me in a rainy day (he inspired me to give it a try) |
