The Challenge

Two years ago my man and I bought our bikes. But as crazy as we are, we went all out, because he really wanted to start going out in a real road bike, one of those with carbon fiber frame, that require spandex outfits, and since he did not want to have the adventure by himself, I ended up purchasing something I did not have a clue how to ride.
Seriously, no clue! I did not learn how to ride a bike as other regular kids do.
When I was 9 years old, I had just left the training wheels and took my first attempt in my brother's bike in a parking lot. I found myself going straight to a lightning pole and as a magnet, I could not help aiming towards it, in a freaking huge parking lot!!! so, at the last second, I missed the frontal collision, but I still freaked out, left the grips and embraced the pole without hitting the brakes.
Well I guess you can imagine it did not end pretty.... not serious injuries, but that experience was scary enough for me to declare, I was or was never ever gonna be good at riding bikes, and I thought that was the end of it.
Until I decided it was not... two years ago!
Two months before the fancy expensive purchase of the road bike, I made a personal agreement. I was going to learn something new, and I wanted to defeat my fear of bikes.

At first I bought a cheap one, that I liked because it was purple. I did not know a thing about shifting gears, or braking, or not embracing myself to lighting poles while riding a bike. I was terrified, but at the same time assumed the challenge and went for it.

My plan was to start going to work in my bike, so I needed to learn how to ride it... and I was not living with my hubby at that time, so I just went to Walmart on a Saturday morning, looked at the bikes and said, I want the purple one!... as if buying a new scarf or a can of soup. Just another item in my grocery list.
And put the thing on a borrowed truck, because I had decided I was going to get myself a bike.
At first it was terrifying. I could barely move the pedals without losing balance, but little by little got a hang on it. I was still scared with people passing two meters away from me, or cars driving next to me.

One morning, I finally felt ready to hit the road and cover the 3 miles to work on my bike, I secured the helmet, left home 30 minutes earlier and closed the door behind me with a heart that was beating so loud I could swear it woke up my neighbor.

Flash forward 2 months: Specialized bike store... Frank talking to the sales man about carbon fiber, pedals, tires, saddles, forks, crank sets, and me staring at him wondering if I was really going to spend thousand of dollars on a bike, after my less than a hundred bucks Walmart purchase!

He finally saw the ones he wanted, and with the blink of an eye we had 2 road bikes, black -not purple!!!- in the middle of the entry hallway of our tiny one room apartment!

The first time we went out, he took me to a slow road, and I had to learn to clip and unclip my bike shoes... easy said, not so easy done... I knew that once I clipped my shoes to the bike I would be attached to it, without a chance to put my foot back on safe ground, so it was scary! very scary.

The second time we went out, he took me to a mountain, the mountain that professional bikers around here go to for their workouts, with a distance of 6.5 km and an elevation range of 395 mts - that, my friends, is a very steep slope - specially for a newbie like me!, oh boy!!! my ambitious husband, he believes in my athletic abilities, more than I do!

I was terrified, like holding-my-grips-so-tight-my-hands-will-cramp terrified... dealing with cars, trucks, buses, and motorcycles going fast and very close to me, and could take it for only half way, my heart rate was so high I could barely breath and my legs were burning like crazy.

So the third time, he figured a plan to get me to the top of the hill... he attached an elastic band from the back of his bike to the front of mine, and he pretty much pulled me all the way up...  I do believe in his fitness abilities, he's a monster on that bike!
It was a sweet gesture from him, and I was capable of enjoying the ride, since the effort was reduced to half for me!- although the competitive one in me felt a little bit frustrated for not doing it by myself-

Flash forward other three months: I was doing my first triathlon, crazy? yes, and I enjoyed every second of it.  It was one of my greatest achievements, because I could ride my bike in a competitive pace, I looked convincing the whole 15 miles, I felt strong and healthy, but most important I did not fall, crash, or had any type of encounters with lighting poles.

 Overcoming that fear has meant a lot to me, and although I am still learning how to ride my bike standing up, and I am too scared to release one hand in order to drink water (I still need traffic lights and get easily dehydrated in long distances), I know that the feeling of accomplishment and overcoming that fear, has been one of the biggest, toughest, sweetest challenges of my life.

I am back...

I just arrived to Bogota. My Hometown. The place where my man lives. And that is why I keep coming back, to see him, hug him, kiss him, and let him do the exact same thing

Now, I can stop telling him how much I miss him because I am exactly where my heart is and there is room only for love, now I can tell him, looking straight into his eyes, how much I missed him.

The day before yesterday I flied back, the whole day in airports, tons and tons of stinking delays, bad food, and a very sore back... but it was worth it, because at the end of it all, past midnight, seeing his face again at that airport gate paid it all back with interest! 

One would think I am used to the whole routine after so many times going back and forth. Well, the true is that I am not. I get butterflies about a week before the trip, and then my butterflies get butterflies while I am flying, and anticipating my arrival...
There is a mixed weird emotion inside of me, there is anxiety, impatience, and sparkles of fear, I don't even know exactly why I get scared, but I do, I can't help it, so I just let them be, because when I see him and kiss him again, there is not weirdness... it feels as if I saw him just yesterday and everything falls into place.

Right now I am so emotional! and when I get emotional I cry, in the weirdest moments! and I always raise eyebrows because, sometimes crying is not what is suppossed to happen, smiling is most appropriate and politically correct... but right now I am too happy and I just cried... crazy? yes, I am that looney, I know...

Anyway, besides it all... It's holiday season!!! there are christmas lights, christmas music, and christmas trees e v e r y w h e r e... December is here and I am officially crazy in love with it all.
 I smile every single time I drive in front of a house full of decoration and lights, and I am listening to Christmas Music day and night both in English and Spanish, because there is only one language for bells and happy Christmas songs.

And two nights ago, we celebrated one of my favorite Christmas traditions: "Candle Night"... it is officially the beginning of the Holidays for us. It is a night in which families gather together to light candles, and we make wishes for every candle we light... and then we just sit together to talk, and see how the candles melt, until there is only wax all over the curb... it is spiritual, fun and magical...and I could make it happen next to my man, and that was pure joy!







They are not dying, they are just letting go...

The other day, my sister was driving her 3 year old son home, and she told him to look at the trees… the wind was blowing that day and there were hundreds of leaves falling from the trees and filling the roads in yellow and red layers of colors, she told him to see how the trees were losing them all and they were being left with nothing in their branches.

The little one, asked his mom in a very worried and concerned tone if they were dying.

Trying to explain herself and to evaporate his sadness, preoccupation- and possible future traumas- she replied that they were just fine, that the leaves were becoming very heavy and since the cold months are in their way, the trees needed to rest and let them go.

Yesterday, as I was speaking with my hubby on the phone, I was observing the very same amazing show of leaves falling in a magic dance and described to him how beautiful the trees look during Autumn, and that now that Winter is arriving, all the trees will just die.

He clarified that they were not dying, they were just letting them go, but the same trees will be back into action next Spring…Wait a minute, I know that, then why did I end up jumping to that very same conclusion? I guess in the back of my mind, letting go was synonym of dying…

And I guess if we humans were trees, the situation of the transition between the seasons of Fall and Winter would be as follow:

We’d be hanging out with our neighbors, other fancy trees with gorgeous green leaves during Summer time, we would all start changing colors, and probably with a little bit of worry we’d start trying to interpret and understand what that could possibly mean.

But when the tree next to us started losing its leaves, we’d be mortified, first we would be apprehensive that the same would happen to us, and we’d be afraid, we’d want to stay away and when we’d start losing our first leaves, we’d blame him for infecting us, then we’d hate him, and we’d start hanging on to all the leaves that for now would be brown and dry. We would ask for help to the birds, we’d try to bribe them to not go and help us keep the leaves in the right place, we’d try to put the leaves that start falling into our pockets (if trees had pockets, of course) and we’d try so hard to keep’em all… there would be drama, there would be tragedy, pity parties and tears, lots and lots of tears… but of course we would still want the new blossoms that come with the first showers of Spring, because we as humans want it all… we are not willing to let go, but we also want great things coming our way,

we are greedy!

 I really believe that in order to get new things, we should be willing to let go the old ones… to get new habits we have to let go a lot of bad stuff, to experience new things, we have to let go the status quo.

There is an old saying “Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know”, I don’t like it, for me that’s just an excuse to not try new things, that’s a justification of our fears.

Of course, there is no certainty that things will go all right, but what if they are fun?

When we see life thru the eyes of right vs wrong, of success vs failure, of gain vs lose, we are doomed, because we just don’t know, and we will never know for sure; I seriously think that life is more than a yes/no question, there is not only black and white, grey is full, is abundant and is fulfilling, is not judgmental and is not polarized.

When things go great, then awesome, we achieve. But when things go messy, nasty, tough, and hard, that’s when we learn, that’s when we grow, that’s when our character and temper are tested, that’s when we really know who we are and who our true friends are.

It’s not that we go thru life wanting bad or complicated things to happen to us.

But since we can’t prevent them from happening, what meaning does it have to live without taking risks? When we don’t let fear and uncertainty paralyze us, that’s when we really start to live fully and freely.

Trees don’t know that the leaves will grow back, they don’t know that there are cold months ahead with nothing but snow and dry air, they don’t know that after that there will be a reward of humidity, blossoms, and new fruit, they don’t know anything, but they still let go. I think there’s a lot of wisdom behind this nature process, a lot we can all learn a little bit from.

I don’t know what’s next for me, I have no idea where I will be next year, or even within 3 months, but I know for sure that there are new things heading my way, new is good, change is good, change means options, and options are always friends with freedom.

I guess confidence doesn’t come from knowing things will be all right, but from knowing that we will be all right no matter what happens.

Mermaid

I really believe that if I was not a mermaid in a previous life, I will be one the next time I am born...

I love water!!!

Being underwater is magic to me, there is silence, there is peace, there is perfection.

My body is capable of rolling, swinging, dancing, all in slow motion, it feels like flying, I have never been in outer space, but I think that is how it feels to be in zero gravity... the movements flow beautifully.

I love to swim because it brings me to a spiritual layer, it puts me in the zone, my soul feels replenished and I can just be me. I have swum while smiling, and I have done it while crying, and everything in between...

And you know what?

No one cares, no one is looking, it is just me with myself, with my thoughts, with my dreams, with my fears. And that is what freedom tastes like to me.





My husband knows me so well now, that he knows that when I am stressed or sad, all I need is a good dose of swimming, not only as a workout, but as an environment.

He knows that as soon as my feet get to touch the water in any pool/river/creek/or lake and my body gets fully immersed, a huge smile appears in my face, immediately!

That is the effect it produces in me, it never fails, it soothes me.

Psychologists might say that it reminds me of what I felt when I was in my mom's womb... I do not know that, I was a little too young to remember, but it is always good to know the things that puts us in peace with ourselves, with our realities, and with our world.

And every time we are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated or stressed, just try to go back to it, as a refugee for a tired soul and allow it to work its magic and get us recharged and back into action.

Things I am loving today...

A: The Colors of the Fall...
they are insane!!! the amazing, unbeliavable tones in the leaves of every single tree, that is something to die for!



B: The after work picnics in the park,
It has become a new routine, I just sit on the grass, with my new best friend: The Greek Yogut, just the two of us, while I devour it -and even lick the lid- look at the pond, smile at the ducks and their funny behavior, get mesmerized by the blinking reflection of the sun in the water, smell the fresh air of mid November, and appreciate all the beauty, peace and calm around.



C: The anticipation of the weekend,
that is going to be full of a few projects here and there, cooking my first pumpking bread, packing boxes to get ready to move, kicking the ball, playing baseball, hockey and basketball with my 3 year old nephew, watching his big sis' last soccer game of the season, my early morning run on Saturday, jumping rope on Sunday - And grab my dusty bike again, fill the tires, and hit the road -.



D: Speaking on the phone for hours with my hubby again,
sharing everyday stories, jokes and anecdotes. Because I was reminded this week how easy it is to lose the things and people you really love, for taking them for granted!
I have a great husband and feel so grateful because I have him and his love in my life, he makes me extremely happy and I am counting the days to see him again.

Crazy Workout! and the sock headband...

So Tuesdays I'm supposed to run.
Last week I got lazy, besides the fact it was pouring and we were in 30's and... I know I'm just lazy...
Anyway, I knew yesterday I wasn't going to skip my workout, so I went to get lunch to my apartment and packed my gym bag in like 30 secs, because I realized I also wanted to go to my niece's & nephew's ice skating lesson, since I'm leaving in less than a month and I miss them already!
So I realized that if I wanted to do it all, I had to get organized, since I only had 1 hour and 45 minutes till the start of the practice and I was 20 miles away, no room for error!.
I decided to change into my running gear at work, which I NEVER do, especially because I work in an Engineering company, meaning: gray haired folks, old fashioned, highly conservative, very sedentary kind of men. But since yesterday It felt more like a desert island around there, I was brave and went for it, praying all the time I wouldn't run into my boss in my way out.
I finally made up my mind about what location to choose for my running (I love romantic scenarios of Fall season!) and it was kind of half way between my office and the skating center. After all the traffic, and exasperating slow drivers in the left lane, and the school zones, I made it to the park at 4:45pm, which left me an hour away from the beginning of the half hour skate practice, and I was still 10 miles away!, so I plugged my ipod really quick, put my car key into my wrist pocket, and grabbed what I thought was my headband, closed the door behind me and rushed to get started.
20 steps later, I realized I had a sock in my hand instead of the silly headband, so I ran back to the car, looked for the real thing and got my heart monitor started, 5 minutes later!
Although with a rough start, and stressful timelines to make, the run was peaceful and wonderful. This park has Hills!!! and if you live in the Alps, or the Andes or the Rocky mountains that would be the regular stuff, well here in Dallas, everything, everywhere is flat, flat and flatter! I enjoyed those slopes as much as the cookie dough ice cream I had last Tuesday (when I slacked on my routine! I told you I got lazy!!!) and breathed in the cool air of fall, enjoyed the gorgeous palette of colors that all the trees were showing, going from yellow, to orange, red and to the old but always great green. It was magical and all 45 minutes were great... I ignored my Heart Rate, pace, and distance, and decided to go for a comfortable kind of run, turning out to be more intense than what I'd originally thought. I guess I got carried away by those damn pretty trees.
I was sitting in my car by 5:35 pm, ten minutes before the kiddos' practice, no stretching at all (which today I totally regret!) and although in a hurry, and sweaty, I was still in the high of the endorphines, and despite the horrendous traffic due to construction in the highway, I was only 5 minutes late, I changed my stinky t-shirt, put on my jacket, gloves and boots and ran into the ice ring area... but you know what? although hectic and crazy, the smiles and kisses from the little ones made every single second of that race against the clock worth it... (and they did not complain about their sweaty smelly aunt at all!) that's why I love them so much, because they love me no matter what.

The Magic of Now...

So, there is something so inevitable about the concept of time... It can not be frozen, or hurried, or turned back, or flashed forward.

So many things stay in the past, like those ugly glasses I wore in middle school and would never ever wear again even if I was paid, or those bangs I cut myself when I was 10 and grew back not so patiently 'cause I do not look good with bangs, those I so want to leave in the past. You know why? because I keep cutting them at least every 2 years, just to get to the same old conclusion: I still do not look good in bangs, for God's sake!!!

So many other things seem to belong only to the future, like dreaming about vacations to the Greek Islands or plans for the moment I get back to live full time with my hubby.
Sometimes I find myself in the present either thinking about all the things I lived in the past or about all the things I would love to live in the future... and then the Right Now escapes to me, I let it go, I fail to live and succeed to remember and dream.

I need to focus in the importance of being present because yesterday will never come back and tomorrow will always be an assumption, it might or might not happen, either it will show up in a different way I planned or it might never happen at all!!! so what sense does it make to stay stationary with those two guys?, when I can run free and do whatever I want with the right now, because that one is mine, completely mine, and no one can take it from me, I can either have a blast with it or let it go and never see it again, regretting how little I enjoyed it.

This, Now, Is all I have for sure, and I am living it, and you know what, it is perfect... it tastes like glory, it smells like roses, it looks gorgeous, it sounds like chirping birds and it feels intense... it is not better than anything and it is not worse than anything, it just IS and I am loving it!

So... that's my thing!

On Sunday I was in the park next to the library's pond, it was early and there were only a few people around, only those crazy early risers like me, and I witnessed the sunrise while I was jumping rope to the beat of Kylie Minogue and Madonna... and I was smiling, all 40 minutes straight, even when my heart got to 160 bpm, I felt so absolutely happy, thankful, and connected to the Universe... so in sync with the wind, with the birds around, with the water calmed and still, with the bright sun. I was so there, so present, so full of life, with energy flowing in me, trhu me, out of me and coming back.
There was no other thing I would rather be doing or other place I would rather be.

Then I realized I felt exactly the same way on Wednesday while I was swimming in the natatorium, or on Saturday during my 7k run... Hitting the pavement, or the pool, or the bike, or the mat, it all brings the same feeling to me... I love the strength in my body, what it is actually able to do, how I can take it to the next level and it feels so empowering, it is like I can conquer the world... That's my thing!!! That's so my thing.

And I started observing everyone around me and we all have our own thing, something that brings passion to our lives, some things that make us smile, that make us forget the clock, that make us feel unique, enough, marvelous...


It can be either painting and drawing, doing crafts, or taking pictures, or solving math problems and playing with equations and numbers, the weirdest things I don't really get (and they might say the same about my "weird" fitness love), it is just amazing to see the spark in their eyes and a truth joy and good energy flow. That's what it is all about, finding those special things that light our lives and find time to bring them to our busy schedules, get to do those things that make us think it is all worth it!

Heart felt hugs

I never thought that a hug could fill the soul as much as a Thanksgiving dinner fills up your tummy! seriously, and sometimes it comes from the most unexpected people at the most unexpected moments, and bang!
There they are, out of the blue, someone holds you in his arms, and his good energy gets transfered into you, your heart fills up with love, your lungs fill up with beautiful air and you feel that someone just did some kind of CPR procedure on you, because you feel like you are back to life!
And I am not even talking about the romantic, chick flick kind of hug that makes you sigh and say ohhhhhh...
I am talking about so much more than that, there are so many categories... there is

The Hello Hug! the hug that my little niece gives me when I show up at her place preceded by an energetic run with open arms.

The Bye bye Hug! everytime I tell my little nephew that I have to go and he makes this sad face with an upside down smile and teary eyes and then I tell him that I'll be back very soon and we will play with his race cars, and boom there it is, a long hug with a tiny head pressed in my shoulder.

The Comforting Hug! that my mom gives me, those are good! when I tell her that I feel very very sad because I miss my hubby, and then she hugs me really tight, and I am transported to my child years and start crying in her shoulder and she whispers sweet words in my ear.

The I missed you Hug! That my bro and sis have given me in so many airports, when I show up in the scalator and run to meet them, and cry and tell them how wonderful they look and how much I missed them and how happy I am to see them.

The I will miss you Hug! That I have given to my hubby so many times, when I have to leave once again to my long trips and I just glue to him, feeling him, trying to record his smell, and his shape in my body, so that we can still feel each other when we are far away.

The Where in the world have you been Hug! this it the most recent I have felt and it was wonderful! and it was given to me by my very special coach, who I hadn't seen in several months, it was long, warm and heart felt and it made me feel at home again, it made me feel special, missed, loved. It brought me back to life after a very tough dry patch I was going thru, and he has no idea how much it meant to me.


And that's why I love sincere hugs so much, because they are given generously, without further intentions, or secret agendas, they are for free and still they have so much value!